A memory is something we either treasure or try to discard. Some are joyous others are like painful scars we try to cover up, yet either way; we carry them with us forever. Life is full of experiences, opportunities, difficulties and miracles yet what we hold on to is what makes us who we are. The way we are able to cope with life’s challenges determines us as a person and if we are able to accept and move on then we can become stronger as individuals. The mind is a phenomenal piece of machinery. Grinding together images, words and emotions storing them in our mind for an eternity as memories.
Something I will always carry with me is the day I fell in love.
Love is a word that is thrown about so freely that at times it can lose it’s meaning. To love another is to give yourself wholly. As people we must love and lose to truly understand it’s grace and power. From crushing heartbreak comes a lesson. No matter what the cause of any relationship ending we can all learn from each experience to gain a better perspective on what we really want from another. After years of knowing one another from a distance, he was always the last person I ever expected to fall for, but here I am totally head over heels in love.
After a variety of relationships, some short, some more serious, others completely dire, to those, which have brought me happiness, I am able to actually understand the power that love has. When you fall in love it’s like an awakening. You see the world in a different way, through different eyes. Everything seems to just fall in to place. I felt like my life had shifted when I fell in love, he had changed my priorities and made me see how everything can change within a second if you allow it. He inspires me in a way that it makes me want to be a better person. I can see myself achieving almost anything because I know I have him with me.
For years I trudged through each day just ‘getting on with it’, not expecting anything incredible to happen but then one day, it did. It was so sudden, so unexpected but for someone like me, who never has any luck, this was amazing. We had known each other for a while, through work and other people, but never before had it occurred to me that he would be the one. How scary is it to say that? The One.
I always dreamt of the big wedding, having my own family, growing old with the man of my dreams. There are many people who think that life can’t be that simple, but I will always argue why not? Life is only made over complicated because we make it that way. To think that after all these years of failed relationships and heartbreak I would be sitting here writing about how one man has changed the way I look at life.
He, in my eyes, has always been amazing. I don’t ever remember anyone having a bad word to say about him and that’s maybe why I never did anything about my feelings; I liked bad boys. They are never worth the hassle, as I’ve found out through experience. I always thought being treated like crap was how it was meant to be, as though it was a standard. I’d gotten so used to having people mess me around I didn’t think or believe I deserved to be happy.
I only saw him a couple of times a week and it would never be more than a ‘Hi. How are you?’ but I always thought there was something about him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
Back in the day he was with a girl, they looked really good together and I was always jealous of her. She was tall, pretty and popular. They always seemed really happy but I did used to wonder to myself when they used to walk past why he went for her. Her history and attitude is something I will never understand. I guess it’s the same as going for bad boys, you always think you can change them and they’ll love you. Deep down though you know that will never happen.
I am now at a point in my life where I feel grounded, confident in my own skin, as though I can do anything. This has come after a lot of soul searching, loss, loneliness and struggle but it’s here now. Life and love lessons are those to be cherished and enjoyed, for without them, we would be mere soulless shells.
Always in my mind, forever in my heart.
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