Sometimes I sit here and wonder why I'm still here. Why didn't I take the chance to leave, to move on and maybe go somewhere better? Then, I look back on why I didn't leave and I'm glad. If I had gone I would never of had the life experience I have gained by staying. Through most of it it seems that I didn't go because of relationships. I've never been someone who thought a man/woman would determine what I do with life, yet for some reason, it happened and I suspect, will do, for ever more. Is that a bad thing? Am I always going to be this loving, where I'd give up my life and dreams for someone else? I think it might.
Now for some people, they see me as head strong, determined, out going, fierce but in reality I'm a right soppy mare who can't bear the thought of being alone. Maybe now is the time I start taking risks...
I want an adventure. I want to disappear and explore the world. I want to be free, yet it always seems unattainable. I can't just leave. I have no money, no friends anywhere I could go to, I would be lost and alone. My biggest fear. Yet I came to think that sometimes in life it's all about the fear. We should just leap into the deep end and then face the consequences; not caring of what happens as long as you are happy. Life is full of lessons and I think if I've learnt anything, it's be who you want to be. Live your life making yourself happy. Of course, don't be so selfish that you cut everyone important out of your life and end up being unable to sustain a relationship, but make sure you feel complete for as much of your life as you can.
I know sometimes I don't and it's really all my fault.
Looking at my life, I'm happy, not fully complete, but happy.
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