I don't know how I do it. Every day I seem to feel differently about a decision I've made. Right now, it seems mainly to be about my career. I started caring 6 months ago thinking it was the job for me, that I wanted this as a full career. I'd planned to have my own palliative care home, looking after patients coping with cancer. Now, I can't seem to think of anything I'd rather do less.
For some people deciding on a job they want is easy. They've always known, they took the courses, went to uni and are now going for it. Yet, I am sitting here, still in Eastbourne, with no clue as to what I want. I've flitted through so many different options; air stewardess, hairdresser, make up artist, carer, nurse, fashion designer, boutique owner, writer, actress, singer. The list is pretty much endless. Surely there is nothing wrong with a bit of ambition but why can't I decide?
Even when I was little I was always pretending to be different things. One minute I was arresting my younger sister and putting her in prison then the next minute I am fixing a broken leg. Maybe I am stuck in that child-like mentality thinking that I can just be what I want but reality is soon catching up.
Is it time for me to grow up and choose or shall I stick to my guns and be free with my choices? I don't want to be stuck in a rut and working all day in a job I can't stand.
So here I go, out into the unknown. After losing my job on Monday for being ill I am back on the unemployment line fighting with thousands of others for one job. Ridiculous. No matter how much you try jobs seem so unattainable. Everything demands experience yet how are you to gain experience if they won't give you the opportunity to work? It seems stupid to me and I most definitely don't agree that Uni can get you further in life. Granted, it depends what you want to do, but I can still be successful without spending three years, accumulating a huge amount of debt and being given a piece of paper, just to make some money. There are plans already in the pipeline for me, so fingers crossed this will go well for me. Trust me, I am going to work my ass off for this opportunity!
But all said and done atleast I can go back to caring for the time being...
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