When you try...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

  Some days I wonder why people feel they have the right to comment on my life when they haven't even sorted their own out yet?

  These lyrics mean a lot to me, they are how I feel a lot of the time. A mixture of my suffering from depression and also my constant battle trying my best but never feeling like I've done enough. 

  Today I was told I had to decide what I want to do with my life but that's easier said than done. There are so many things I want to achieve and I don't know where to start. There would either be training or money involved and the latter I have none of. Then there's the issue of if I do training how would I be able to also work to support the bills and other problems at home? I wouldn't be able to without burning myself out completely.

  I've always loved writing and wish I could do this for a living but I have no idea where to start. As I sit on the balcony on this gorgeous day, I can think of nothing I'd rather be doing, well apart from having a cold glass of wine. That can be remedied later I'm sure.

  I love animals and want to work with them in a zoo and in the wild. However, after research on that, it's a lot of work for a pittance which doesn't appeal to me considering I feel I could earn a lot within the right career.

 Then there's the care work which I currently do. I enjoy it but I don't know if it's really for me. How can you really tell though? It's so hard getting a job as it is and I should be grateful I have one. I am, don't get me wrong. I have the opportunity to get a reduced fee to take my NVQ's but do I want to do it? I don't think I do. 

  If anyone knows if I'm good at anything then please let me know because at times I really wonder if I will ever amount to anything.

  I never planned my life to be like this. I had dreams, aspirations and the will to achieve...then life got in the way. Maybe I should reflect back on days when I had passion and drive; perhaps that will rekindle some old emotions I had...

  A bitty blog full of moans, rants and indecision.

 I need encouragement and support. I never know if I've really got it.

 "There's a kick up the arse and then a kick while you're down."