Summer loving

Dinner on the balcony. Walks along the seafront. Gigs. Music. Fields. Sunbathing. Ice cream. Cold beer. Pub lunches. Cider. Sunglasses. Skirts. Head scarves. Dresses. Ice cold water. Tan lines. The smell of sun tan lotion. Flip flops. Painted toe nails. Flowers. Smell of cut grass. Lawn mowers. The beach. Swimming. Cool sea water. Gentle breeze. Cocktails. BBQs. Natural make up. Bronzed skin. Fishing trips. Days out. Birds. Sandals. Beach towels.

We live for the summer days, the lazy ways and sunny haze.

A jug fills drop by drop.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha

I used to read a lot on Buddhism and found it fascinating. Buddha quotes continue to inspire me to this day. I love the simplicity and effectiveness of each quote I have ever read. Some are not clear at first but if you read them and think about it, the answer becomes quite clear. I love the idea of Buddhism in the way that it is about peace and love and you are inspired to be a better person.

Religion is often hard for people to understand in this day and age. Often it isn't 'cool' to be religious or look at other avenues that don't include drink, drugs or sex. I, however, break that rule. I don't like being classed as a 16-24 year old. I hate that expression, just because I am within that age bracket does not mean I am like every other person out there, at the same age. We all seem to be deemed as yobs who have sex with a ridiculous amount of people, drink too much and take drugs. Granted I drink too much on occasion, I do have sex (and I'm not shy about talking about it) but I don't take drugs. That has never appealed to me and to be honest I am usually thoroughly disappointed in people who do.

"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting." 

Buddha 

From suffering with depression from around the age of 11 I could have rebelled further and done a cocktail of drugs to 'relieve' my symptoms but instead, from 17 years old, I looked upon religion and it's influence on people's lives. I was Christened at 5 years old but never really went for the whole Christianity route, I took elements of it. I am a practising Spiritualist, which isn't necessarily a religion but it is a way of life. I used to be heavily in to it, spending hours a day meditating, reading about it and studying it. Lately, I have lapsed from doing this, not through lack of interest but more because I have so little time...or it feels like it. I decided to re-read a book I have about it and have found my love for it again.

I don't like to class myself with Mediums etc as I have found people judge them too quickly. I have many beliefs on the subject but don't want to be tarred with the same brush. I believe in ghosts, spirits and obviously Angels, which is where my Spiritualism stems. Throughout religion there have been reports of Angels for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. Each religion mentions Angels and their presence, despite coming from different countries and different times which gives me the hope, and belief, that they are there. Even if they aren't, I am comforted to know that I am being looked after from above.

"Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely."

Buddha

Religion for me is paramount. I believe that as long as you aren't hurting anyone and you can practise without preaching then you are on to a good thing. I have come across many people who doubt my choices and beliefs but I have never forced them on to people. If you want to hear it then listen, if you're going to argue it then you, in my opinion, are being small minded by not appreciating a different point of view.

I am not a loony who stands in town shouting about the end of the world and that the Angels will save us bla bla bla, yet I find comfort in it. Religion gives people hope, strength and the will to continue in life. What harm can come of that? People are quick to say there is no such thing as ghosts, spirits and Angels but do they have proof? It is the same as I have no proof to show their existence. My proof comes from within. My soul and spirit are real they can just be called different things such as the conscience. What's in a name? God doesn't have to mean a man sitting on a cloud throwing lightning bolts down from the Heavens; God comes from within. 

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?" 

Buddha 

Those who practise religion range. There are obviously extremists who clearly haven't understood the meaning of the teachings. Islam is a very peaceful religion yet has been manipulated by a select few who can't grasp it's true meaning. I am keen to learn more on Islam. So from extremists come those, like me, who take comfort from it yet keep it at a comfortable level. 

Belief stems from within. Whether you call it a name or not. We all have a sense of religion within us because we 'believe' in a multitude of different things in life. 

Keep your faith whether it be religiously or not. We are who we are and that will never change.

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. 

Buddha 

When you try...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

  Some days I wonder why people feel they have the right to comment on my life when they haven't even sorted their own out yet?

  These lyrics mean a lot to me, they are how I feel a lot of the time. A mixture of my suffering from depression and also my constant battle trying my best but never feeling like I've done enough. 

  Today I was told I had to decide what I want to do with my life but that's easier said than done. There are so many things I want to achieve and I don't know where to start. There would either be training or money involved and the latter I have none of. Then there's the issue of if I do training how would I be able to also work to support the bills and other problems at home? I wouldn't be able to without burning myself out completely.

  I've always loved writing and wish I could do this for a living but I have no idea where to start. As I sit on the balcony on this gorgeous day, I can think of nothing I'd rather be doing, well apart from having a cold glass of wine. That can be remedied later I'm sure.

  I love animals and want to work with them in a zoo and in the wild. However, after research on that, it's a lot of work for a pittance which doesn't appeal to me considering I feel I could earn a lot within the right career.

 Then there's the care work which I currently do. I enjoy it but I don't know if it's really for me. How can you really tell though? It's so hard getting a job as it is and I should be grateful I have one. I am, don't get me wrong. I have the opportunity to get a reduced fee to take my NVQ's but do I want to do it? I don't think I do. 

  If anyone knows if I'm good at anything then please let me know because at times I really wonder if I will ever amount to anything.

  I never planned my life to be like this. I had dreams, aspirations and the will to achieve...then life got in the way. Maybe I should reflect back on days when I had passion and drive; perhaps that will rekindle some old emotions I had...

  A bitty blog full of moans, rants and indecision.

 I need encouragement and support. I never know if I've really got it.

 "There's a kick up the arse and then a kick while you're down."

Childhood dreams

  

  When I was little I used to want to work in an airport. Whenever we, as a family, went on holiday I was obsessed with the planes and loved watching them take off from the departure lounge. Even now, I am fascinated by them. I go to Airbourne every year to watch them fly, especially the beastly super jets! I either wanted to be an air stewardess or work on the ground dealing with the angry customers. My love for this came from watching programmes such as 'Airport' and 'Airline'. It was so exciting to me to see how it all worked, the buzz of rushing around and helping so many different people.
  How much can life change though?
  I went for a job at Gatwick to be a check in girl. Only problem with that was, my mind wasn't in the right place. I'd had a terrible morning and left for the job after a pretty nasty argument. I did my best but obviously it wasn't good enough. Now, I am a carer, working in a pretty great establishment with lots of wonderful people. I'm happy but is it what I really want?
  We can't all do the jobs we've always wanted to do but there's no harm in trying.
  I always used to love writing too and now I am trying to get as many of my pieces out there for people to read and take notice of. I may not be the best but I am certainly going to try. After all, if at first you don't succeed...


  What did you want to be? Are you doing it now? 


  This wasn't meant to be a long blog inspiring you; it was merely to remind you of when you were young. Think back to what you used to dream of whether it be a job you wanted or places you wanted to visit. Now, start living them because before you know it, you're chance will be gone!


Believe. Achieve. Succeed.